Exercise is intimidating as hell!

The prevailing attitude is that if you don't fit the stereotypical image of "fitness" (in quotations because the term is nebulous and loaded), you're a lazy p.o.s. that's just not trying hard enough. No excuses, bro! Or no excuses, babe, because feminism. I've been a promiscuous worker-outer since 2016 and have tried countless modalities in all manners of fitness spaces in the Bay Area. In the era of so-called judgment-free zones, I still hear stuff like this flying out of the mouths of teachers and trainers who I believe in their heart of hearts want to inspire their students and just don't know how. 

Fear of exercise is real. Feeling like you're going to blow an anxiety gasket if you even think of stepping into an exercise environment (a gym, a studio, etc) is real. According to a survey of 2,000 Americans, a whopping 50% of respondents struggle with what is called GYMTIMIDATION. Which is, you guessed it: the feeling of being intimidated by the gym experience. And you can swap out "gym" for "studio" or "running" or any other exercise context. 

Here are more fascinating results from that survey:

If this isn't you, great! If this is you, you are clearly not alone.

There are many invisible obstacles to health and fitness and shame is one of the biggest and least acknowledged ones.

A lot of the shame you might be experiencing isn't a YOU issue that you can get over with a few mindset tricks. We - the proverbial fitness industry "we" - need to do better by you, and we don't. Especially these days, virtue signaling abounds while business has remained as usual. "Everyone is welcome!," we like to say in our marketing. "How dare you come in here and not be what we've narrowly defined as fit?!" we still communicate through outdated protocols and practices.

For the larger industry, shame is way too profitable to stop perpetuating. As for the soldiers of the industry (us teachers and trainers), much of the education we receive is imbued with the dysfunctional spirit of this profit-driven culture, and it's hard to see the forest for the trees when one is trapped in the hustle and grind of teaching fitness for a living. Many of us who have grown more self-aware are limited by cost and time from receiving further education that is more nuanced, up-to-date, and backed by evidence.

Another statistic to chew on from this study on disordered eating behaviors in group fitness instructors: Out of the 685 female respondents, 59% were classified with DE (disordered eating). And of the 152 male respondents, 22%. The respondents with self-reported current eating disorders had higher weekly volume of instructing classes compared to other instructors.

Until I started doing hot yoga at 25, I avoided moving my body in exercise contexts at all costs. I suffered from exercise-induced asthma as a child and young adult, and associated movement with the terror of not being able to breathe. While I'm of average body size here in the USA, I was significantly larger than most women I grew up around in the Philippines where impossibly tiny is the ideal, and was never allowed to forget it for a second. From my late teens to my mid-twenties, I controlled the size of my body by becoming a dedicated bulimic. An exercise in futility: despite my efforts, I was never small enough for myself or anyone around me. This is often the case in situations where the goal posts are arbitrary and ever-changing.

Practicing hot yoga helped me out of my eating disorder. Nice and dandy for me. I have also seen  the regular practice of hot yoga (and other modalities performed in high-pressure environments) do the exact opposite more times than I can count. Exercise bulimia is real, rampant, and perpetuated by a lot of mindless fitness speak (time to burn off all those weekend calories, work hard and EARN your dessert tonight!). Orthorexia - a rigid fixation on "clean" eating accompanied by rigid food restriction and vigilance - is the sea we live in in ultra health conscious San Francisco.

I haven't had an active eating disorder in close to 15 years. My dysmorphia still flares up occasionally, though I can confidently say that I am freer from its clutches than I've ever been. In addition to different kinds of yoga and pilates, I do a lot of strength-training. I love trying new things and am willing to be very bad at them and look very silly doing them. I'm no longer afraid to say no when a teacher/trainer is pressuring me to do something beyond what I know I am capable of in the moment. I'll always love doing intense movement and still do it all the time. I only go balls to the wall when I know I can really handle it. Otherwise, I go at a pace that works for me. This often does not match the intensity or volume of what is being taught. 

Last week, I attended a bootcamp class where the trainer was enthusiastically encouraging us to do complicated explosive moves with really heavy weights beyond the level of most of us present. When he blew his whistle, the people in the room started to engage in a frenzied jumping and flailing about with their too-heavy dumbbells. A familiar old panic set off in my belly (fuck, I really can't do that but he's being really pushy about it so I should) accompanied by a familiar old internal collapse (ugh I'm the worst, I shouldn't even be here!). After a minute or two of sitting frozen in that uncomfortable muck, I gathered myself enough to say fuck it and did a very modified version of what everyone else was doing at a weight level I felt confident with. And on the class went. The trainer tried to get on my ass a few times and I serenely ignored him. Eventually, he gave up. I had a great time.

This is not a trite parable with the underlying message of "IF I CAN DO IT SO CAN YOU, SO GET OFF YOUR LAZY EXCUSE-MAKING ASS."

I share this to emphasize that it took me 39 years to be in any intimidating workout environment and give little fucks no matter what shape I'm in or whatever external pressures might be present. I spent a hell of a lot of those years doing serious inner work around my body image. I continually commit to saying fuck you to the status quo.

A long time. A lot of work. And I do this shit for a living!

I don't have a magic wand I can wave to fix the fitness industry and rid our media landscape of the impossible body standards peddled to us. What I do have is a relentless desire to unburden you of some of the exercise-related shame you might be carrying. I leave you with these reminders:

You deserve to be in movement spaces that empower you and meet you wherever you are with compassion and skill.

You deserve to do movement that you enjoy! Not everything is for everyone.

You deserve to move with a teacher or trainer that you like who treats you with respect, if guided exercise is your thing.

You have the agency and authority to move on your terms and at your pace at all times. You don't have to be good for teacher.

These things can be hard but not impossible to find. Trust that there is something and someone out there for you.

Even though we might not work out together anymore, I'm always in your corner. When you forget that you have as much of a right as anyone else to take up space anywhere you move, think of me, your crotchety, outspoken exercise auntie, whispering in your ear: "You're HERE, goddamnit. You are here, and you are moving! How incredible is that?"